Haven’t spoken for long time but times have changed a lot in the last few months. I really didn’t want to talk, I was feeling to alone. But I recently realized actually just tonight that what I have been looking for for the last 56 years is a family. I honestly did not realize until tonight that that is the one thing I’ve never had that I’ve always needed that. I am sad and distressed to realize that even though I had six sisters and a brother and of course two parents I never had a family. I have no idea how I am missed this until now. I mean I knew that my sisters and I’m far from close but I have been trying to assist my brother for last four years same as I did my parents and until tonight I was really blind to why that wasn’t happening. You see after having a really heart to heart with him tonight I never knew how ridiculous I was being. I was expecting normalcy because I always thought I was the one that was fucked. After the night I have had it is not me. You see I have lost a lot of people and a lot of chances but I have always gotten back up and you know what I would really doubt that any of my sisters could do that so I’ve finally realized I am a strong person, and I will always be a strong person. I would hate, literally hate to see most of my sisters go through and I have because honestly I don’t think they could. The same as my brother they would give up, because no matter how much I told him tonight that he needed to just believe in himself he didn’t. While I do know that I will always rise above what ever bullshit tries to bring me down he doesn’t and he’s given up. So now I can’t do anymore for him. I have to stop doing everything for him until he realizes, only then can I help. I hate doing this but I need to stop so he can help himself. On the plus side I’m back to work and my life is looking up I just need to let go…. I may never find an actual family but I have friends who love me and maybe just maybe that’s all I need.. Here is for all those who love me, know I love you too and thank you for your love and support, don’t think it’s ever gone unnoticed. This is not gonna make a lot of sense to a lot of people but it makes perfect sense to me and I’m not going to look for that anymore I’m going look for what makes me happy what ever that is and to hell with family because my parents, my siblings and my children have proven that whether it’s my fault or theirs or no matter what I do to try to make up for my short comings it is not never going to make up for the past or mean I can be a happy person and at my age I need to stop counting on anyone else to make me happy. That’s up to me and I’m gonna do it, I’m not sure what that means but I’ll figure it out. I am sure one thing I did finally love me and that’s good enough for now


About bettywins3

I am beginning life anew with a new job and home. It may be an exciting and challenging voyage but always it brings joy, happiness and calm. I am always seeking out knowledge where-ever I may find it , I love learning even the most mundane things, I love watching TED and surfing the net , I google anything I don't know no matter how trivial it may seem. Never too late to expand our horizons!
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s