I am finally awesome for me !

I am not one to ever say no to anyone but this is got to stop! For the last three months I have been looking after my brother who was a chronic alcoholic, he is only 49 years old but to look at him you would think he was 60. His arms and legs are covered in big black bruises which he keeps tearing open and I have to go bandage. His roommate is actually 79 years old and all they do is drink 24 hours a day I have cooked their meals, cleaned the house, done the laundry and went over to help pick his roommate up when he falls three times a week. His roommate is currently in the hospital again so I went over today and made him meals and cleaned the house including the blood left when his roommate fell and smacked is head on the toilet. And I once again tried to convince him to move out of there because as long as he lives there all he is going to do is drink. He phones me crying three times a week that he can’t deal with it anymore and he goes to the hospital at least once a week when he’s really drunk asking to be put in detox that he wants to quit drinking but they won’t do that so he goes home and drinks. I am currently looking at getting back to work within the week and he told me today that I can’t get a job because I need to be there for him. I saw my Dr. Last week who is also his Dr. and he asked me if I did not go through this 10 years ago with my parents. He told me I need to look out for myself but I have been that so ingrained with guilt that I just have the hardest time telling my brother I’m done. Like I said I tried tonight and all I got was crying and that I need to look after him. I told him I am going back to work fulltime and that although I will help all I can that in future that will be dependent on my needs first. He kicked me out, told me to go home that I obviously didn’t care about him. Logically I know I am dealing with a totally dependent person who has no inclination to look after them self. And I am going back to work fulltime and he will have to deal with it. It truly is time I looked after myself, not that I won’t look after those I love but I come first. I am sorry but I am 56 years old and honestly I deserve to be happy, healthy and at peace. I can no longer let him or anyone else be it from present, past or future dictate what I need. I know what I need, I need to work fulltime and I need my own space without interruptions or interference and that’s just the way it is. Sorry if this comes across as self deserving but guess what! That is all I’m gonna be any more, looking after me, myself and my needs. I come first and anyone else come second. I think I really have grown enough to say NO! No to other people’s needs before my own and no to putting anyone else first. I’ve done that for enough people in my life. So from now on its all about me 🙂 I’m happy with this decision ❤


About bettywins3

I am beginning life anew with a new job and home. It may be an exciting and challenging voyage but always it brings joy, happiness and calm. I am always seeking out knowledge where-ever I may find it , I love learning even the most mundane things, I love watching TED and surfing the net , I google anything I don't know no matter how trivial it may seem. Never too late to expand our horizons!
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