Desperate times call for desperate measures!
And in my life these are desperate times to be sure. After much soul searching and observation I have come to the conclusion that I need a whole new mind-set and that is not something I am not ever going to get if I keep my life as it is now. I have “dropped” some friends from my life, actually most of them have been removed from social media sites also. I am not going to heal if I keep the scars open so time to close them for good. I am no longer drinking and not missing it, which quite frankly surprises me. I have had the same “friends” for a long time now, up to 20 years some of them and that is no longer the life I want. One that revolves around a little brown bottle. I am thankful finally for the year I had with M.S. because I was the happiest I had ever been. (But his life too centered around the bottle.)The fallout afterwards was the worst ever too. (Reality cannot live up to the fantasy) I am not interested in finding a man to spend my life with anymore nor the shallow acquaintances I called friendships for so long. The past is the past. I need more social outlets and I know this… and I know I can do this too. I just need to find my muse and ways to express myself in more positive times.
So I move on, first with the volunteering but after my shift tomorrow I am seeking out new and more productive contacts about town. I will start at the library as they have to resources I need for the research into building the life I want. I need to fill my life with positive energy! I need to find what makes me happy outside these 4 walls. I have my reading, crocheting and tv shows but I need to leave the house and fill my life again. Also fingers still crossed for a job in town soon!
So I guess this is just a catch-up note letting you all know that my healing is almost complete and these last few months that I have spent de-toxing my mind and body are paying off. And by filling the void with healthier options for my future it won’t be taking too much longer. I do realize that some days I am barely able to get out of bed, lack of sleep, and not eating right go a long way to holding me back. But I am going to eat better and am using guided imagery to assist with the insomnia, caused mostly by dreams of what if’s. There-fore I need somewhere to go so I have the motivation to simply get dressed in the mornings. So wish me luck as although I know I can do this, a little luck never hurt anybody.