Good Morning ❤
I am trying, really I am but it is not easy when life keeps kicking me in the teeth every time I make some progress. But I will do it 🙂
So after all the heart-break and pain men have caused me over the years I still believe there are men out there that want more than a mother, caretaker or paycheck. I personally haven’t found one but I am told that they do indeed exist. I am not actively dating nor do I plan to any time soon, this last relationship really did a job on me, I have NEVER felt as angry, volatile or depressed as that man made me. Good news is that I am already looking forward to just taking the time to heal. I am taking ownership of my situation and I will raise above it eventually of that I am sure. I actually like being single, I did before M.S.convinced me otherwise and then proved himself to be nothing like the wonderful man I first met at all. He is a delusional, guilt ridden man who hides behind possesions and money to make others believe he is happy. But we all know he isn’t and I feel for him terrible and realize that is all I can do for him now. My only wish is that I could stop thinking about him 24/7 but that is inevitable end also I am told. I do know I do not even entertain the thought of trying again with him. He made his bed and no matter my countless mistakes he is the one who is ultimately alone. Even he admitted that we had it all, too bad it was so easy for him to throw away isn’t it? In the past I have been guilty of checking into the exes lives after break ups, but this time I have no wish to know at all what is going on there. Although I still love him I know that will fade to scattered memories as I better my life and I am most certainly NOT looking back !
I got some pretty bad news at the doctors yesterday so have that to deal with and occupy my time for now. Heal thyself first they say and it is going to take some time to come to grips with this new issue with my health as it means pain and I do not like pain. I suppose I should be looking forward to becoming me again and being OK. May not happen today or tomorrow but it will happen. And I am thankful for that.