Good morning 🙂
So I finish the wolf Afghan yesterday and gave it to my son for his birthday which is on the 19th. It was intended for M.S. but unfortunately that didn’t happen, such as life. Maybe that’s why I’ve been think about him so much lately not that I ever really stopped, just seems I’m doing more of that lately. I read on face book this morning that if you’re dreaming about somebody it means that they’re missing you and that’s supposed to be a psychological fact. Well I’m afraid that would truly surprise me. I broke down last weekend and texted him and almost immediately regretted it as of course I got no answer, but didn’t really expect one. I need to move on, focus on what’s important to me now so that’s what I’m gonna do.
I’m volunteering three days a week at a local charity shop and I’ve put an ad online for any cleaning, yard work, shopping, anything people may need help with actually as I have to get a job in town. Money short and debts are growing. I’ve never really let money worry me and it’s not now, it’ll all work out in the end it always does.
I’m focusing on the good things every day, started doing the eagle Afghan last night and I’m enjoying that immensely as it’s a lot easier than the wolf was. I sat here last night thinking about all the things about my new life that are making me happy, simple things go a long way. Of course I have my friends, my car, my apartment, my daily walks and freedom. I never realized how much I missed being able to do what I want when I want. I can have a bath in the middle of the afternoon, walk around naked, eat whatever I want whenever I want, go out every single day even if it’s just for walk, watch whatever I want on TV, or quietly sit and read a book or crochet without interruption, Baggy is once again sleeping in bed with me and getting lots of love and attention. I can fart or burp or belch without worrying about who might be standing behind me, and I can go to the bathroom without worrying whether it’s going to flush and not! I used take these things for granted until for a year and a half was not able to do them with-out questions or judgement. And I’ve learned that that’s something that won’t happen again, I need my me time and I gave that away, never again.
After my last post I had quite a few people on my face book asking if it was their partner that was the one the article was about and that made me kinda sad. I did comment that if you really think that it may be maybe you should read the article. I know we’re all guilty of loving somebody so much that we ignore their faults and that’s OK as long as the faults are not destructive to themselves or the relationship, took me a long time to learn that but I have and I hope and pray that I won’t put up with that kind of behavior in any future relationships. Mind you I’m being very cautious about relationships, I am sort of in one right now in that we have decided to be exclusive when dating but that’s it as far as any type of commitment goes. I made a very clear to him that my brain is very much focused on M.S. And until I can let go of that I won’t make any kind of forward moves with anyone. I do enjoy the time we spend together and right now I wouldn’t give it up for anything and he understands, I need time, time to reflect and kick myself for the mistakes I made and he’s willing to wait and assures me that whatever happens he’s grateful for the time we have together right now, he’s happy with the way it is even though he would like more. I really hope I’ll be able to give that to him in the future.
So yeah more ramblings from the peanut gallery 🙂 let me know we think as usual insights into this brain of mine are always welcome. I have enclosed pictures of my completed wolf and the eagle I will finish soon.