Good Morning 🙂
After four months and a lot and I do mean a lot of crying, anger, regret and depression I’ve come to an epiphany shall we call it. I sat down yesterday and finally made that list of the good and the bad that I’ve been putting off making and now I wish I’d done a month’s ago. Because what that list showed me is that I don’t miss M.S. What I miss is the life that I built for the both of us. I miss living in the country and having a home and a garden and a man (of family )to look after. I miss bonfires and barbecues and mowing the lawn. But I also came to the realization that I can still have all that just not with him. He isn’t even part of the equation. The only thing he had to do with my life out there was that he moved me out there. That’s where his part in it ended. After that I just became the chief cook and bottle washer, a mother to him and his son and that’s all I was ever going to be. And guess what I deserve so much more than that. So I will work towards having that life for myself again but this time I’ll make sure it’s with the right man, not a man that is just there but one who is an active, loving part of that household. It’s good for me to realize what the truth actually is. And I suppose that’s why I put off the list because deep down I knew it wasn’t him, never was. The future is suddenly looking so much better, brighter and I am much more hopeful for it. So no regrets, anger and sadness now that I know the truth. And lying to ourselves is probably the worst thing that we as women do after relationship fails. No more lying to myself. I’m going to take the lessons learned and forge a wonderful future for me.
My life is out there waiting for me all I have to do is make it happen. And I will.