Good morning. Days are looking better every day, the weather is still pretty chilly but the sunshine, budding trees and spreading flowers make up for that. I am enjoying my walks more and more every day. Got a lot accomplished yesterday after doing the laundry I got my rez run done. So feeling pretty good about my day overall.
Had a couple of pretty long, intense conversations yesterday.
The first being when my son’s girlfriends birth mother called and I informed her that I have no association with them at all anymore. When she asked me why I told her about the events of Sunday and the poor woman went on for almost 45 minutes about how she had to give the girl away to children’s aid at a young age because she was totally out of control and a danger to her sibling and the mothers emotional well-being. I totally understand where she is coming from because that is exactly the reason that I gave my son up. Actually I never really did give him up, I received a respite care every second weekend from children aid but he quickly wore out every respite home in the area. He was very odd control. At 12 he went to jail for the first time and from then until two years ago that’s where he spent the majority of his time. Any way back to her apparently she was diagnosed as bipolar of but refuses to stay on medication. At 15 she was living with a drug addict who pimped her out for drug money or when he owed debts. He also beat her often. She gave birth to twins who were taken by the children’s aid within months because of the filth of her house and they were covered in flea bites. It was quickly decided that she was not capable of caring for the children and they became crown wards. Before this time she had already begun making up fantasy stories to anyone who would listen, she accused her adopted father of sexual abuse a claim which has proved unfounded. She accused teachers, neighbors and really anyone who angered her in even the slightest way of horrendous abuse ranging from physical, to emotional to sexual. Although I believe she is very delusional she doesn’t see this at all and neither does my son. Whether she believes the story she tells or this is the only way she knows to control him I don’t know. He is definitely a caretaker and the more damaged you are the more he feels a need to care for you. At least that’s how it is when it comes to her. Her birth mother was ready to send her first and last month’s rent and food money etc. Until I explained that between them they are playing the system for $1200 per month each and that the system will pay first and last month’s rent. They claim to her that her check had been stolen the beginning of the month but they had told me that his check had been stolen the beginning of the month. Even if one of their checks had been stolen it would’ve been replaced and they still would’ve had $1200 when the rent at the motel is only $700 at her. So why within a week had they been to both Food Banks and the churches in town for food and panhandling for the $10.00 a day that they use for pot. I have fed them 2 to 3 times a week since it left my house and have given them $10.00 here and there because they desperately needed milk or cat food. But that doesn’t explain what they do with their money, the only conclusion is that they are still using drugs. By the end of the conversation we had mutually decided, her mother and I that neither of us will help them anymore. Neither one of us feel good about this decision but you cannot help an addict when they don’t wanna be helped, when they really think that the way their living is OK. So that’s the end of that, I am sure I will mention him again hopefully with good news but I sincerely doubt that that’s going to happen.
The second conversation was with a very good friend who is one of the strongest women I’ve ever met. Just last summer ended a five year relationship with a boyfriend when he went back to his very first girlfriend. They are both in the forties and she remained friends with him even sleeping with him sincerely hoping that they would reunite. They did reunite in January for couple months but the first girlfriend is still very much in his life and he admits he loves her very much, but that she is the love of his life. Last week the other girl revealed she has a brain aneurysm and needs surgery and may die. He explain this to my friend and she agreed that he should leave and be with her. She is even having phone conversations via text with the other woman. It hurts me very much to see my friend go through this and I worry about different aspects of what’s going on. I have talked to her at length about my concerns and assures me that she is fine, strong and ready to move on without him if that is her destiny. I am so proud of her for being able to do this, I know I couldn’t. As is apparent that story is ongoing and I will be supporting whatever decisions she makes for herself because I know she will make the right ones.
So yes yesterday was a day full of emotion, decisions and finding out that no matter how I’m feeling I am still able to help others, not a whole lot maybe but I can listen and show support. Yay me. Because my head is still not where I need it to be. But I’m working on and it is getting there 🙂