OK so it’s really early in the morning here it is only 630 but I had a friend phone me at 430 needing to talk but that’s OK I was up anyway. I had an alright day yesterday got out for a bit visited with friends and just kinda hung out, sometimes that’s all we need.
Seems like my moods are changing on a dime, I’m totally fine and then a memory comes back and I’m devastated all over again. I know all this is more or less normal and I just distract myself, take a deep breath and realize I’m where I need to be. There must be 100 times a day that I think about him and wish things were different. They’re not and they’re not going to be, as much as I want what we had I realize it’s gone and I need a move on. So that’s what I’m trying to do minute by minute and day by day. Good friends and of course by reading and writing I’m getting through each day. The sad times are getting less and feeling normal and happy is taking up more of my day. Such a good feeling.
I have no plans for today beyond the usual, writing and walking. Thinking of going away for a couple of days tomorrow, not far just a London to stay with friend’s and just get away from my life for a little while. A lot of times I find I don’t need any money to get away just friends. And a couple of days spent not worrying, not thinking, not stressing over the past or things I can’t change but just relaxing having some laughs and being where I’m loved is just the ticket I think. So if I’m not on for a day are two you’ll know why. Then on Sunday I can stop in and see my grandsons and have Sunday dinner with them before heading back to my place.
I have a new job (unofficially) as a driver for friend who recently lost their license for six months so one more thing to keep me busy between that and the part time job I already have and the classes I’m starting next week my mind will be too busy to wander. So yep things are looking up, I expect I’ll still have bad moments but there aren’t any more bad hours or days, just moments and that’s definitely a good thing. As I expected I’m healing and I’m gonna be better for it so kudos to me for surviving once again.
I always survive, goodness only knows how but I do!