So last week two very huge events happened in my life and although they happened the same day and may appear to be related they turned out not to be at all.
First you see I have realized for some time now that my relationship was never going to go anywhere, I don’t think anyone’s could when there is a third person involved and by that I mean his 19 yr old son. Although we both tried it was inevitable that it should end…. We talked the other day and he said the only problems he had with me personally was that I swear too much and I had been coming home miserable from work. Yes I do swear a lot and more when I am frustrated so yep he is right about that one. And yes I come home miserable because I really did not want to come home…never knowing what kind of mess or how many people I would have to deal with. You see his day was long- up to 14 hrs so I expected very little from him and he would make a dinner of hamburger helper a couple of times a week so I did not have to come home to cook but ALL the housework (even taking out the garbage) was up to me meaning that on my days off I worked and make his lunches and mine and more often than not set up our two pots of coffee before I could go to bed during the week. His were spent watching movies and having a few beers. Top that off with a young adult who did NOTHING even though he was home more than both of us and was very passive aggressive towards me, and yes I tried discussing it with MS but he had no control of the situation and like he said he could not make the kid respect me… funny that but my kids are older, bad ass prison, drug addicts and still would never disrespect anyone in my house without being told to leave and come back when they could. Anyway sad that I had to leave but not sad that I am happy now I do not have to deal with it all. I have a place and will get the rest of my stuff out this weekend and that will be that. Funny that I did not mention MS’s very selfish behavior on a daily basis.. but then as is typical in the beginning it wasn’t like that. DON’T EVER THINK I DON’T LOVE THE MAN I DO but I need to be happy too so I made a choice.
Second I overdosed that same night…after the argument and his storming out I dove into a bottle and spiralled out of control ending up in hospital and where I am now. A new start and a lesson learned.
But once again I know that I have great friends who love me and they could not do enough for me again. Back to work tomorrow and will live for me now. If I do meet someone I will not put them first this time, I always do that and end up forgetting that I need too .
I love me and my friends and family do too, I have a good job and a new place and a chance once again to rebuild, hopefully I broke that mold and can be happy with someone eventually, if not I will be happy alone. Much better than being miserable so others are right ?
As usual feel free to comment I love the input I get from my readers and value any feedback.