So I am no longer wondering what may be wrong with me. Now I am just fine.
I tried to help my kids, in and out of jail, addicts and I finally stopped kicking myself and stopped allowing them in my life and still hope one day that they will come home….not counting on that any time soon however. I paid dearly for my failures…but I am paid in full.
I nursed my parents for the last 3 yrs of their lives…. jumped when they called and did absolutely everything I could for them. I know in my heart I did all I could and I paid for the privilege in the end too.
I helped my sister each and every time she needed it only to realize that she is a selfish, narcissist and that I did not need that in my life any more.
My brother now that’s a sad story I gave him a place to live in my building at cheap rent , paid his bills when he moved out of there and got a nice place that came with a landscaping job, fed him and was there when he called drunk and crying…. I have recently realized that he is also a toxic person who needs to help himself before I help him again.
I have helped three men in my life, supported them in every way and ultimately gotten used for the efforts I made.
Will I stop, no I don’t think I will… I can only be me after all.
I learned long ago that this behavior is toxic to me and I have now found a special relationship where all I give is returned and it took that for me to realize I do deserve it and he deserves me….lovely really to finally have all I have worked my whole life for. And it took just one person to let me know I am who I am and that is all I ever needed to be.
Onwards and upwards my friends, always onwards and upwards.