I Am Not My Past

So I am no longer wondering what may be wrong with me. Now I am just fine.

I tried to help my kids, in and out of jail, addicts and I finally stopped kicking myself and stopped allowing them in my life and still hope one day that they will come home….not counting on that any time soon however. I paid dearly for my failures…but I am paid in full.

I nursed my parents for the last 3 yrs of their lives…. jumped when they called and did absolutely everything I could for them. I know in my heart I did all I could and I paid for the privilege in the end too.

I helped my sister each and every time she needed it only to realize that she is a selfish, narcissist and that I did not need that in my life any more.

My brother now that’s a sad story I gave him a place to live in my building at cheap rent , paid his bills when he moved out of there and got a nice place that came with a landscaping job, fed him and was there when he called drunk and crying…. I have recently realized that he is also a toxic person who needs to help himself before I help him again.

I have helped three men in my life, supported them in every way and ultimately gotten used for the efforts I made.

Will I stop, no I don’t think I will… I can only be me after all.

I learned long ago that this behavior is toxic to me and I have now found a special relationship where all I give is returned and it took that for me to realize I do deserve it and he deserves me….lovely really to finally have all I have worked my whole life for. And it took just one person to let me know I am who I am and that is all I ever needed to be.

Onwards and upwards my friends, always onwards and upwards.


About bettywins3

I am beginning life anew with a new job and home. It may be an exciting and challenging voyage but always it brings joy, happiness and calm. I am always seeking out knowledge where-ever I may find it , I love learning even the most mundane things, I love watching TED and surfing the net , I google anything I don't know no matter how trivial it may seem. Never too late to expand our horizons!
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