This is going to be a more prophetic writing than most of my posts to date as I would like to tackle one a couple of what I feel are the most damaging behaviors humans manifest and how I can better deal with them in my life. Hopefully putting them on paper so to speak will clarify them for me.
I have had tons of experience with people acting like they are still in high school in my adult life as I am sure we all have. The difference I am finding lately is that I no longer get hurt and depressed over what they do or say. I am much more able to recognize the behaviors as their problem and not mine. If a child cannot deal with the realization that they did or said something, be honest and take the consequences of the act they have a tantrum, blame others or break the other persons toy. I may not always understand it but I am recognizing when I am attacked even when I have done nothing at all to justify the behavior of another. And I no longer drive myself nuts trying to figure out what I might have done or said either. Do we all know adults like this or is it just me? I somehow doubt I am the only one with these personalities in my life but I am learning how to better deal with them. Or better yet how to recognize toxicity and not allow it in my life at all.
The first behavior is going to be obvious as soon as I state it I think. Backstabbing is one for the most enduring of character flaws in both males and females. The obvious situation would be a romantic breakup resulting in damage to property. Yes I have had that done and went ballistic at the time. Thankfully I have not had to deal with that again so I will relay the other way this presents itself, by talking to others about that person. By this I mean going to anyone who will listen with accusations and or past mistakes on my part hoping to somehow shove a chink into my happiness. This I have had happen not once but twice in the last few months from two people of different ages and sexes one a sibling and one an ex. Both went to my current partner with obscure “facts” that did nothing to bother my psyche nor my relationship whatsoever which I am sure irked them to distraction and hopefully they both realize that I am past reacting to such nonsense at this point in my life and will move on.
The other is that passive aggressive person we all know and love. For reasons of their own they do not come out directly with whatever I did to upset or anger them but will make off-hand comments that I am sure they are hoping will bother and upset me. Just remarks so I know they are snubbing me after making a point of telling me they are too busy to have lunch using excuses like “my husband has the car again” etc. Or the infamous accidentally sending me the “text meant for someone else” . Such juvenile behavior is just that and does deserve positive recognition …..the most you will get from me is a “hope you’re having a good time” because I truly hope you are. I have no problem with others playing with my friends.
I feel no need to play games anymore, if I am upset with you I will tell you and if our friendship cannot endure that then it wasn’t a very strong one was it? I instead choose to accept these character flaws as they come and like I stated before acknowledge them as what they are and do not take them personally. They are simply the only way these people can think of to rid themselves of the responsibility of their actions.
Hopefully by actually putting this in writing I have solidified in my head the way to deal with these encounters so they do nothing to disturb my world as it is. Any and all feedback is as usual appreciated.