So the loss of my mothers best friend over the weekend has gotten me thinking. My mother has been gone for 10 years now and my father for 8 years but I am over that loss. And the loss of F. R. is sad, she was a good mother and friend so her loss will be felt by a lot of people but I bet my parents have the coffee on waiting for her to show up at any time. I guess I do not process death like some do, working in a nursing home for so many years may have dulled me to it, I don’t know. I get sad a bit and move on, even my parents passing did not devastate me as it did some of my siblings. I have lost a lot of people in so many ways over the years that I suppose I just realize it as a part of life. My sons are estranged to me due to their lifestyles and I speak with them maybe once or twice a year, I do not see my grandchildren at all as bringing them into and out of my live is just so unfair to everyone involved. I have lost my siblings due to the fact that we were never a close family to begin with so since the passing of our parents there is just no reason to get together any more. I understand a couple of them are close and that is a good thing, but mostly we are no closer than with any other acquaintance in our lives. My life has had a lot of people coming and going, both at their choosing or mine but when they leave I like to think they left me something of value if only a life lesson to see me through my future relationships with people. Those who have stayed have proven their worth to me and my life, I have no use any more for those who only wish to use me for their own ends anymore. Some prove that quickly others I give more than enough chances and so now I have chosen to distance myself. I no longer allow that privilege, you only get one chance to fuck with me, do that and you’re gone. I find most people bring something to the table of friendship even though it may seem small, even the smallest contributions add up quickly and that is how I feel life long friendships endure, the small things. I am accepting of all personal encounters be they for a brief period or a lifetime, none are negated by their duration in my eyes or heart.
I guess what I am saying is that loss takes many forms in our lives, be it from death, divorce, estrangement due to geography or life choices, but loss is loss and I find that I am very efficient at the grieving process at this point in my life, I am happy with all those I have in my life and am always eager to make new acquaintances and hopefully a few enduring friends.