I now know that we all make our own happiness. Unfortunately I think we spend too many of our years thinking that if only we had this job, or this body, or this person, or this wealth then we would be happy. So untrue as it turns out. You see I have had the good job and made the good money and I have had the body and the people I thought I needed. None of that ever made me happy. I was always trying to do what was expected of me, always giving more than I should to those who truly did not deserve it. And I always had low self-esteem. And I thought I always needed to be better in every way. And I did not think I deserved to be happy. And that is probably the reason why I attracted people I thought I could fix and if I did fix those broken people I would finally deserve be happy. Like happiness is something I needed to earn somehow. But with age comes wisdom they say and I totally agree with that sentiment. I am in my mid fifties now and I am not skinny, or rich, nor do I allow people in my life who have no right to be in it and I no longer play the games younger people do, making others feel badly or using their weaknesses to make me feel somehow better about myself. I feel good about myself and my life because I am happy with the choices I have made and I accept what ever failures happen and move on. I no longer mourn the losses but embrace the opportunities.
I am simply happy, maybe because now I have the people in my life that deserve to be here and though I am not rich I do not have to worry about money anymore and I certainly do not let body image ruin any part of my life. Outside forces cannot bring me down, only I can do that and why the hell would I? I have a great partner and a full life. I now longer worry about the world crashing down around me because I am sure of all that I do have. My foundation is strong and anything beyond that is icing on the cake. That, my friends is for me what being happy is all about……….nobody and nothing else matters.