As usually in May my mind has been full speed in reverse, I am remember and becoming anxious about all my past mistakes, if you can call them that, failures I suppose would be a better word. Full of questions it is like the coulda, shoulda, woulda thoughts that will eventually kill me if I let them….but this morning my mindset is changing. I may not have been the worlds greatest mother or daughter, but I do know I did all I could and gave more of myself than I should have in most cases. I suppose it is a matter of the logical mind fighting the emotional mind. Well it is time I guess to a more sane mind-set. I receive messages and tweets etc intermittently with comments (mostly negative) on my current life situation from petty and bitter people from our past who somehow think they have earned such an opinion, they haven’t. This type of rhetoric doesn’t even faze me at this point in my life, except to pity them for allowing the past to bother them as I sometimes do, it only hurts oneself after all .
After reading a couple of other blogs here this morning I have come to the ultimate truth that anyone else’s thoughts or opinions will never matter in the long run. After all I am building my own life to be a happy and productive one and I am not going to let others ruin it for me as I have in the past….. I am doing ok with my job and have great friends so why let the past seep into my present.
I need to let go of all that shit. I can’t change it , God knows I would if I could but I can’t, all I can do is focus on today. And if what I do today is bothering someone from the past maybe it is their mind-set that needs the adjustment not mine.
On the one anxiety provoking note I have an appointment with a skin specialist about the possible skin cancer issue next month but am going to try to put that aside until the day comes, and I will deal with it then..not like I can make any decisions about that until I see him anyway right?
Anyway onwards and upwards for this determined little soul…..time to gather my tenacity again and take back my realm 🙂