So a lot of people that know me really don’t know me at all. I am pretty complicated it seems as even I cannot figure me out most of the time. I know that I like my job and my friends and my life generally, but really there is so much that I have been trying to change and I am not accomplishing this task very quickly. I am still smoking and drinking and not eating or sleeping right and I am not walking as much as I should be. And the more I fail the madder I get at myself and the more I do the very things that I want to stop. Quite the vicious circle I have going here isn’t it? All that is going to change eventually but one day at a time as they say. I am going to bed tonight giving myself positive affirmations, maybe that will stop the awful dreams at least. Only good thoughts last thing in the day, no reading or tv or even music, they all seem to effect my dreams. and my dreams are rarely good, and mostly really weird. Here I go rambling again. I need to become more positive in all aspects of my life and am determined to let that happen whether I like it or not. I miss so much because I am scared of trying or doing or just allowing things to happen. I need to change, I know that and I will. With the help of no-one but me because let’s face it, I am really the only one who can control that. Oh well onwards and upwards.