Stuck in the off position

So it has been a very busy week and showing no signs of stopping. I have gotten a lot done at work and not so much in my personal life. I am going to have a very hectic start to my week but hopefully after Wednesday it will slow down some. I am kinda down again today, tired as hell so that doesn’t help at all either. Seems like I just can’t get my life plan in action, I know what I need to do just not so sure I can do it. I thought I could but now I am not so sure. I have every intention of getting my shit together am just having trouble taking the first step towards my goal. Work is good and that gives me a small boost but my own life is floundering badly. I know I am repeating myself and rambling a bit but that is just me. Had a date of sorts last night and that went good, well that is to say it satisfied my immediate need for companionship and more. It was nice to get out and expend some energy. Not expecting to go there again though. Just not the sort of person you stay with, not me anyway. I want more from a man than he could ever give. Not sure any man is up to the expectations I have and that is ok, I can survive quite well on my own and I don’t have a desperate need to have someone in my life full-time right now so that is a good thing. I am going to start the week on a positive note and hope it lasts.  As soon as I am done the weekly invoices I can maybe take in the park for a bit, do a bit of reading. I have almost an entire book to read by Tuesday for book club, I have just not had the time to sit down at all this week. My “me” day is not happening this week so that’s a bummer for sure. Maybe that is contributing to my mood today, well that and the tiredness and poison thoughts that won’t go away. Yep definitely going to the park with my book and get my mind out of the thinking process that it is stuck in.  I have unfortunately lost a lot of people in my life this year and that has taken some of my resolve away. Need to start to let some new people in eventually, just not right now. I don’t have the fortitude to withstand another heartache be it from any source. Being let down so many times makes it hard to know why one bothers to let anyone in to their shelter. Any thoughts on how to gain some strength for what I need to do for me are quite welcome. I sure need some good insights to draw on. Will be reading a few other blogs here that help give me some insight and awareness that I am not alone. I thank other bloggers for that. Sometime wordpress seems the only sane place left for me to go. 🙂


About bettywins3

I am beginning life anew with a new job and home. It may be an exciting and challenging voyage but always it brings joy, happiness and calm. I am always seeking out knowledge where-ever I may find it , I love learning even the most mundane things, I love watching TED and surfing the net , I google anything I don't know no matter how trivial it may seem. Never too late to expand our horizons!
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2 Responses to Stuck in the off position

  1. RedeuxBill says:

    So, have you yet done any of your “homework” as we discussed several days ago? Hmmm?
    When overwhelmed by all the things you’d like to do, just start with one item first. And then, later, another.
    Consider, also, if you are selling yourself short with this “immediate needs” stuff. Look within yourself.
    Rooting for you,..

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