So although I have been trying very hard to stay happy I spent today and most days the last week or so pretty sad. I am pursuing new avenues that should help enlighten me but they are not happening fast enough I guess. I suppose that I am missing my morning coffee with G. too as he has been away at his sons for over a week now, cannot wait until he is back tomorrow, his insight is invaluable to me, he is a wise man to be sure and always a good sounding board. I am brooding I suppose, realizing that my second son may be lost along with his brother now was quite the blow to me, he has went down bad paths before but there may be no coming back from this one, sigh. The anniversary of my fathers death was last week and so he has also been on my mind a lot lately. I am seriously need to get some shit going in my life the book club is in a couple of weeks and the book isn’t available yet so will have to make a quick read of that one once it is. Looking forward to it and to finding out about the mystery book club in Oct also. I am going to attend the Heath Clinic uptown about their quit smoking programs next week and I have noticed quite a few other “gatherings” through-out the week that I will look into also. I am joining the Y again with a friend too but all these things seem so far away today. Sometimes everything seems so far away to me, out of reach so to speak. I am sure once all this gets going I will be back to my old self once again. I even think that the sudden weather change this week is contributing to my being down a bit. I actually took most of the weekend off this week, well no physical work anyway, lots of paperwork, but there always is. Actually looking forward to getting back at it tomorrow. Well will leave it at that for now, just needed to vent I guess, thanks for listening.