Growth and Payback

Yesterday I posted a poem I wrote about karma, well that is because I believe I have gotten my payback already. My sister once told me that she believed that the way  you live in this life is to pay for your last life, I commented that I must have been HITLER!! Some background on my life:  I had a very bad childhood rife with beatings that my father doled out while my mother made excuses for him and  I was out of the house by 15 and married to a total loser by 20, he gradually became an alcoholic and even though I went to school while working nights to get a nursing license I could not keep it together for long and within 3 yrs I could no longer handle his abuse (both physical and mental) and I ran to the nearby town where my parents lived. I have had cancer and cysts with necessitated at partial hysterectomy at the age of 28 and the last ovary removed when I was 33.  I met my second husband 2 yrs later and we married after a year of co-habitation even though I knew it was a mistake as I walked down the aisle, but I had been assured that I just didn’t know a good thing when I had it and that I would grow to love him by my family. That fiasco lasted less than 4 yrs. During this time my oldest boy started down a life long path of jail and substance abuse. My youngest followed suit not that long after I am afraid. I stayed single for a couple of years then I met the next 7 year on again off again mistake, sigh see a pattern here folks. I then had thyroid cancer and again underwent treatments for a year or so. I stayed single for 5 years this time, determined to not let another mistake happen. I then met a man whom I worked with online from home for a large communications company here in Canada and after some time of conversing online he decided he needed out of the marriage he was in and came across the province to be with me. Disaster number 4, he was nothing like he professed and a chronic alcoholic who could not keep a job and so only lasted a year thank goodness I did not do that for longer.

I have finally came to a place where I am content and happy on my own and no longer need anyone else’s approval for anything I do. I am beginning to build a better life for myself and if and when love comes into my life again I will accept it with open arms because I do believe it is out there, I just need to love myself first . Karma does exist and does come back to bite you in the ass,  I have come to the conclusion that the purpose of her bite is to make you a better person for yourself so you can be for others who come into your life. And now I am following that path she is easing off, she knows I have learnt that I cannot take responsibility for others problems and that I only own my own, I cannot fix them, only myself and that I am human and the mistakes I have made are paid for or soon will be and is satisfied with my progress. Now I understand this I am now able to move on.  Gotta love her.

Advertisements

About bettywins3

I am beginning life anew with a new job and home. It may be an exciting and challenging voyage but always it brings joy, happiness and calm. I am always seeking out knowledge where-ever I may find it , I love learning even the most mundane things, I love watching TED and surfing the net , I google anything I don't know no matter how trivial it may seem. Never too late to expand our horizons!
Aside | This entry was posted in Surviving, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s