Ok honesty time: A little background for those of you who have not been following me all along  I have been single again now for almost 3 months and at first I was devastated, not by his leaving but by the fact that he is a sociopath. He simply does not have the ability to love another person be it his wife, his kids or me. All he can feel  is the feeling of euphoria that he gets when a new narcissistic supply source has been found. And for a while I was that source but once that is gone he moves on . . Ok background covered now for the honesty part. I have never had anyone in my life make me feel the kind of rage that he did, I don’t mean anger I mean rage! Even after we split the mere sight of him could make my blood boil. I have never felt this intense a feeling before and it scared me and still does. I need to figure out  why this was  if I want to get to the healing and ever have a relationship again. I have started a casual intimate relationship with a new man and I do not feel these feelings, I have had 3 long term relationships in my life before him and there was some sort of abuse in each of those, whether it was emotional, physical or financial but although I felt all kinds of feelings rage was never one of them. So what the hell was it that made me feel this way? I am assuming that it is something deep seeded in me, like a feral animal who attacks it’s prey in a complete frenzy, maybe I sensed something to make the rage come out? One girlfriend put forth the theory that he may have encompassed all the traits that I hate in not just men but people in general. Another is that I feel like a fool for being with him because it seems everyone knew what he was except me, they simply tolerated his presence because he was with me. I don’t know but am working to sort that out for me. If you have any similar life experiences or ideas that could help with this I would sure appreciate the input.


About bettywins3

I am beginning life anew with a new job and home. It may be an exciting and challenging voyage but always it brings joy, happiness and calm. I am always seeking out knowledge where-ever I may find it , I love learning even the most mundane things, I love watching TED and surfing the net , I google anything I don't know no matter how trivial it may seem. Never too late to expand our horizons!
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