Dreams

 I had another dream last night, always with him in them and always we are in some kind of difficult situation. Most of these dreams also feature my parents (both deceased) and other people from my past who affected my life negatively. Not sure what they mean if anything at all. I seem to be working through some issues in my sleep via these dreams. I wake remembering them and somehow things are clearer regarding the people in them. I made a hell of a lot of mistakes in dealing with these situations, but to be honest my interpersonal skills are somewhat lacking, always have been I suppose. But in the dreams I always have the opportunity to go back and handle the situation differently, sometimes more than once. Eventually it seems I get it right and I wake, when I go back to sleep a new dream emerges. The fact I made the same mistakes repeatedly in my relationships and nobody was ever in a position to help me grow beyond that level of maturity tells me I did not have the role models I needed in my life. I choose the wrong men, always have and with each one I become angrier with myself. This is because I know I am doing this from the onset and still do it. For some ungodly reason I think if I can just fix one person it will make up for my letting those I loved in the past down. How ridiculous is that. I am however correcting this perception by consciously NOT allowing damaged people in my life at all. As soon as I sense the neediness in them I pull away and simply do not form any close connections with them. I am damaged enough already, time to heal. I am lucky to have a few really good and supportive people in my life that I can talk to and who help me work through any immediate issues, thereby making it easier not to form these useless bonds. I am determined to help only me for now, letting go of others to make the time to nurture myself. These writings help in a lot of ways, giving me a place to work through and somehow align my thoughts. Anyway sometimes the feedback  I receive here is invaluable and some of the blogs I frequent help with my perspective of different situations we all face, but somehow deal with differently. This is truly a learning experience and is allowing for me to grow as a person. I am grateful for that.

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About bettywins3

I am beginning life anew with a new job and home. It may be an exciting and challenging voyage but always it brings joy, happiness and calm. I am always seeking out knowledge where-ever I may find it , I love learning even the most mundane things, I love watching TED and surfing the net , I google anything I don't know no matter how trivial it may seem. Never too late to expand our horizons!
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