Rambling

I do realize that a lot of the time I sway back and forth, questioning my own judgement and cannot seem to decide my life’s course. You see that is because I really loved him and cannot seem to reconcile my mind with my heart on that one. I have a couple of drinks and start reminiscing on the good times and that’s it I am right back there again. Luckily I am usually with a friend who quickly stops that train of thought as soon as I mention I miss him, reminding me of what it was really like with him. Logically I know he is a drunk with no work ethic who is just no good for me.  I am very  well-respected  here in town as a writer and a newspaper journalist, and as a friend/acquaintance to many having lived here since 1993. I raised my kids here and practiced nursing here for almost 20 yrs. Most people I know no matter how close we were are baffled as to why I loved him at all. Or when it comes to that the man I was with before that for seven years. Well that goes way back to a childhood full of doubts and negativity. A father whose approval I never got and a mother who was distant, cold and manipulating. I have been in four long term relationships in my life, the one with him being the shortest and always with inferior men.  But I am working on that now, and if I can manage to keep men like him out of my life from now on  instead of giving in to my incredible need to seek them out I will be fine and be able to live a good and happy life looking after myself and maybe someday finding some body that the caring and sharing will be truly mutual. I am taking responsibility for my choices for the first time in my life, I chose to be with them and now I choose NOT to be with men like them ever again.  I am gaining more strength every day……..and am sure I will be ok. Ty all for sending likes and comments they are needed and appreciated.

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About bettywins3

I am beginning life anew with a new job and home. It may be an exciting and challenging voyage but always it brings joy, happiness and calm. I am always seeking out knowledge where-ever I may find it , I love learning even the most mundane things, I love watching TED and surfing the net , I google anything I don't know no matter how trivial it may seem. Never too late to expand our horizons!
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