So I need to do this and I know it is not going to be done in one shot. It will probably take all day, with re-writes and edits.
J.V. I know you read this and I need to know WHY!!!
I know that or weeks, months or even years you contacted women on every site imaginable to try to find some-one to save you. But do you not realize the destruction that brings to everyone involved? Or do you even care?
Your wife? Your children? And me? What part of you thinks it is ok to destroy everyone around you to get what you want? You don’t think A.V. was faithful, why the hell would she be? And you think the girls aren’t yours? Even if that is so it does not give you the right to damage them just to get back at her. And I did everything for you, I was your mom, lover, confident, companion and paycheck………I know I could have done no more.
You possess no empathy, no ability to feel love. You are a sociopath.
What you did to me was NOT ok and never will be, I wish there was a way I could warn the world about your intent. To get what you want no matter the cost.
But that is not for me to do. I just hope and pray that some part of you, some human, feeling part will try to give me a reason, an explanation or even an excuse as to why you did this to me. Because you see I need to learn from this and I have. I have learnt not to trust, or let anyone close, or pursue any kind of new relationship because of you. And that sucks.
If you could just grow enough balls to admit you never set out to build a life with me or anyone else, but just needed someone to coddle you and care for you without any reciprocation needed. If I knew somehow that it did not matter what I did I would NEVER please you and you would continue to pursue the fuck me sites no matter what I offered you. And that this was truly your failure and not mine maybe I could find some kind of closure. Feel free to vent your opinion here, I will not erase it, or p.m. me your message. I doubt you will do either one but you are welcome to.
I know I am writing this for me not you, because even if you do read it you will NEVER admit to any shortcomings, it was all My fault, Her fault and even Their fault. Not yours.
I do not expect any response because I know the kind of man you are…that makes me sad.
But writing this helps me so maybe that is my true intent. Maybe somehow I don’t need any more of your lies……..I just need to be there for me. And that makes this a good thing.
It hurt to write it, I cried and had to stop more than once, but was I crying for you?, us? or just for me?………I will assume it was for what might have been if you were the man I thought you were and leave it at that shall I?
I do know no matter what you do, I will be ok. How do I know this? Because I love me and my friends love me……..and deep down I know you never did.