C.S. Lewis said “Experience is a bitter teacher, but we learn, my God, we learn”

So yesterday morning I was walking Shelby and he was parked at the grocery store. I asked him how he got his tools and he said the morning I left the door was open. First of all he left at night and second the 2 doors have separate keys and are never open. Am I surprised he lied? Sadly, not at all. I then asked that he return my pool cue and he denied having it, I sighed and told him to keep it, maybe sell it for beer……..Why is this last conversation significant? Well it left me feeling …………. nothing. No sadness, no longing, no love. If I felt anything it was pity. Pity that he is never going to be anything but what he has become. Disappointment that he is so far into the sickness that he has lost sight of who he could be. And maybe some sympathy for his situation. It cements my resolve NOT to bother trying any more. There is no longer a need for any further contact with this lost soul. I am pleased with this because I can move on knowing in my heart that I did all I could and he threw away all that we were or could have been. He is simply incapable. I however am not and will muddle on……becoming a better person for the experience. I really am a tenacious woman and sometimes my strength to over come life’s obstacles astounds even me. It took a month for me to learn what perhaps I have known for many months but that is ok. I did learn. And now I know I am going to be fine for sure and I am going to get to health quicker than I expected and I am looking forward to that.


About bettywins3

I am beginning life anew with a new job and home. It may be an exciting and challenging voyage but always it brings joy, happiness and calm. I am always seeking out knowledge where-ever I may find it , I love learning even the most mundane things, I love watching TED and surfing the net , I google anything I don't know no matter how trivial it may seem. Never too late to expand our horizons!
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