But I am done!

I know why I miss him, I really loved him, that is the reason I got so angry all the time, to the point of hurting myself during arguments, and contemplating suicide again. I could not believe the rage that boiled in me. I know it was because I needed him to be who he truly was but I did not get that any semblance of a real man had been beat out of him long ago, by a loveless marriage and his complete lack of empathy for anyone anymore. I do  agree that when some people are treated badly by someone you love for so long you can become apathetic, me I just get angry, I get angry with them and myself because as I told him I really believed that he would not love me if I did not do all I did for him………stupid huh? I made him a full breakfast each morning and had lunch for when he could swing around for it and dinner when he got home, not that he cared the last few weeks, all he wanted when he got home was beer and more beer. He even lied to friends so he could drink there first so I thought he was only having a couple, little did he know that they would call me to ask why I would not let him in. I could not believe when he ran out Wednesday night (when he took his computer I asked if he was leaving that night and he lied and said no) when he was to stay until Friday when he got paid. But really that is my stupidity again, he left his family the same way, not a word of explanation, he just deserted them too. He showed his lack of caring on a daily basis and still I tried even harder to please him. I feel like such a fool for loving him and still caring. I have been so sick the last 3 days and still all I can think about is him and how much I miss him. I will stay strong this time and NOT let him back, I am not checking up on him, nor do I want to, the cleaner this break the sooner I can heal. I am so sorry for so many things. I will be happy again.

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About bettywins3

I am beginning life anew with a new job and home. It may be an exciting and challenging voyage but always it brings joy, happiness and calm. I am always seeking out knowledge where-ever I may find it , I love learning even the most mundane things, I love watching TED and surfing the net , I google anything I don't know no matter how trivial it may seem. Never too late to expand our horizons!
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