Catharsis

So yesterday I spent a lot of time writing and thinking. Still I cannot figure out why the hell I miss someone like him. I always seem to get “the runt of the litter” so to speak. The one who needs looking after like a child. My God he didn’t even brush his teeth or shower without being nagged to do it! And was deficient in so many ways other than poor hygiene. Yet I miss what we were at the beginning before the honeymoon ended and his true colors showed themselves to me. Funny how nobody I know liked him and I couldn’t see it. Is that maybe what they mean by “love is blind” ? Anyway the long and short of it is that I know I am strong enough to be with out him, and I worry he is not. Why worry about him? If I could answer that I would have all the answers I needed wouldn’t I? He is so damned self absorbed that he is all over the dating and fuck sites every spare minute but cannot take the time to message his daughters……….maybe he knows too that he is useless without a “mommy”. He has no ability to look after himself in any way. I may be an emotional mess but I can still face each day, clean and ready to work with a smile on my face. Once in my apt I can cry all I want but at least there is no more anger………and I do mean anger. Not at him but at myself for getting into another of the same relationship where I continually give and they are more than happy to take. Sigh…………I find that by just getting it on paper I am feeling better, writing is so cathartic. I made the Do and Don’t take him back list yesterday and was stunned to find the Do list empty. Sad but eye opening. I will be fine I am strong most of the time and a few weak moments are ok if they help the healing and I don’t give in to them  😉

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About bettywins3

I am beginning life anew with a new job and home. It may be an exciting and challenging voyage but always it brings joy, happiness and calm. I am always seeking out knowledge where-ever I may find it , I love learning even the most mundane things, I love watching TED and surfing the net , I google anything I don't know no matter how trivial it may seem. Never too late to expand our horizons!
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