Reality Check

So  I am not really surprised that to find out that I had been slightly delusional when it came to my relationship with John, after all the man abandoned his wife and 3 kids to come all this way to meet me and even though he claimed he was the victim in that marriage I have since discovered that his drinking was the main reason there were problems there to begin with, he could not keep a job and if he treated her with the emotional, physical and financial abuse (not me as I work, but she is not able to do that any more than he is) he did me I am understanding of her need for the intimacy and love she was missing although I don’t condone affairs as the way to do that.He had a way of making a woman feel that his downfalls were somehow her fault.  He kept her socially isolated and dependent on welfare. At least I did not allow that to happen. I kept my friends and my identity. It is too bad they could not have been mature enough to just end the marriage amicably. He blames her for the messy house and being on the computer all the time when that is all he does also, not lifting a finger to help with anything as he did here. He admits that his eldest daughter cooks, cleans etc. Wtf is with that!!! If my partner is that lazy I would do it  but then he counted on that and I am sure would not have cared if it all went to hell, he could have blamed me then. Luckily I have some pride in my home and myself.  He had memberships in a number of married but looking to mess around sites from years ago so I am assuming she was not the only one being unfaithful. He has not supported his 3 girls in any way since he has been here claiming he “will not give that lazy bitch any money”, in the last year leaving it up to them to contact him and only answering them when I insisted he do so, the only interest he had was to follow his exe’s every move wondering who she was messing around with , I am totally confused by his lack of interest in the welfare of his own children.  His job will not last long I expect as Cox does not put up with absences without a good reason and once the family responsibility office gets hold of his paychecks I expect he will quit and go on welfare so as not to pay up.  He has had a year to straighten that out and although I did as much as I could to get that ball rolling he just let it go…he seems to think that ignoring things somehow makes them solve themselves, again I expect so he can blame the other person when it goes wrong. He has been gone since Wednesday and is already on a dating site….yeah I knew in the back of my mind that he was with me for the convenience of the situation and my ability to put up with his drinking, poor hygiene and slovenly habits. Sad that he is that way but i either unable or unwilling to change for the better. I am surprised that he abandoned Shelby (our dog) after we agreed he would take her weekends and I would keep her through the week due to his long work hrs. I swear she lay watching the door and actually crying Wednesday night. But she is good now seemingly accepting his absence as I have. I am more disappointed and angry at myself than him, after all he is used to being that way. I tried so desperately to help him get back on track, my biggest short-coming is caring too much about men and trying to “fix” their lives. I am guilty only of loving him.  I will gain back all I had before he came down in a short time I am sure………I am a fantastic person who got into a bad situation. I will be happy again…and I have a feeling that is not going to take too long at all ❤


About bettywins3

I am beginning life anew with a new job and home. It may be an exciting and challenging voyage but always it brings joy, happiness and calm. I am always seeking out knowledge where-ever I may find it , I love learning even the most mundane things, I love watching TED and surfing the net , I google anything I don't know no matter how trivial it may seem. Never too late to expand our horizons!
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